About him & her

Featuring Me and Him (Raphael from The Long Take)

Surprise, it’s me! With a non-FilmStack Friday, but definitely film-related, post. It’s sort of like the 1:1s but also not at all and only focused on one movie.

I told The Long Take that I needed him to watch this movie, and he did! (I needed his take on it, ahem, okay I’ll see myself out 😅)

The movie is called him & her, also known as About him & her, and it is currently available on Amazon. It’s about two slightly lost people (why is that a theme in the movies I’ve been watching lately?!) who meet when their phone wires literally get crossed. (It’s set in 1989.) It’s a bit hard to find—sometimes it’s listed under 2021 and sometimes it’s listed under 2023—but it was written by Íce Mrozek and Independence Hall, directed by Íce Mrozek, and stars Callan McAuliffe and Cristina Spruell (whom I now love).

Anyway, we had a really lovely conversation about the film—which I highly recommend everyone on FilmStack watch, it’s very FilmStack—and I thought some of you might enjoy it as well and then join in our discussion.

ALSO! If anyone knows anyone involved in this movie at all, please, please, send them my way! I am dying to talk to anyone involved in this film. I will do your Substack homework for a month! (Or a week, if you are super prolific 😅)

Here is our conversation, lightly edited but mostly verbatim (some light spoilers):

The Long Take:

So, that was something! Took some notes, I might do a quick post/note or just talk it freely with you. But before that, have you heard the last bit of audio after the credits? The whole thing about truth vs. lie ?

Sara’s Soliloquies:

OH MY GOD CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS MOVIE?!?!?!?!?! insane timing, I was literally just writing up a restack of your Flipped post 🤣 I did have audio at the end of the credits, but mine was about someone in prison? Which version did you watch? Apparently there are *several* edits.

The Long Take:

Yes, that moment. Someone in prison choosing to stay because he knows he’s not guilty. Then Her, speaking almost in reply, saying she would do the same. We had the same sound track. I’m curious about the other edits now...

Sara’s Soliloquies:

oh gotcha, cool! yes! I did hear that piece at the end! I meant to google to see whether or not that person/case was real...thanks for reminding me. i am also curious about the other edits!!

TLT:

First of all, THANK YOU. Where did you find that movie? It’s really a hidden gem. Also, I love that the actors didn’t really know each other. What a cool experience, acting with someone without knowing who they are. Really special!

SS:

Thanks! 😊 I love stumbling on hidden gems. If you want another: Little Brother, directed by Sheridan O’Donnell. Little Brother was truly an accident and I fucking love it. (It’s crazy heavy though, let me know if you need trigger warnings.) I’m weird though, I like looking up people and their filmographies if I like their work. I was looking through the cast of Flipped after I watched and was struck by the title him & her (as it was listed on Callan McAuliffe’s Wikipedia page) and the fact that it had no Wikipedia page, so I did a little digging lol

The filming experience for this sounds wild! If you loved the movie, you absolutely need to watch their interview with Monica Gleberman (? I think that’s her name?) on youtube

I feel like this film is the coolest directing and acting exercise lol

Also, I love Cristina Spruell now lol

I would love for you to write a note or post about it!

It is definitely not for everybody, and I love that they know that, but I love that they did it anyway and stuck with it. I actually really love the stuff that people will probably hate in it lol

TLT:

SO THE MOVIE. Let’s talk about it! Honestly, from the very beginning, I loved it. The whole first act, where [spoiler], is incredible. It works because the sound and mise en scène are so carefully put together. We don’t see their faces, but we see their surroundings... the rooms, the clothes, the mess. I also think the transitions are fantastic, really thoughtful editing. The way we move from Him to Her and back again feels seamless. The camera work is amazing too, a bit experimental, I suppose, having to avoid showing their faces while still keeping everything visually engaging is tricky, and holy shit, they pulled it off. The cinematography in this film is genuinely something else.

SS:

RIGHT?! The phone thing is so good! And you would think it shouldn’t work, but it does!!! Totally agree though! And the chemistry works so well!! And you feel all of the things they feel! Like I also wasn’t sure if I wanted them to see each other or not. I would go back and forth. But omg, the ending was heartbreaking and kind of pissed me off even though it works

TLT:

Loved the scene at the end of the day, where they both take their baths, get naked, and share this intimate moment; like being together at the same time, without actually being together. The parallel editing is really strong at times.

SS:

The sex in this movie is absolutely wild and yet it works. It’s insane. I forget what I was originally gonna say about the sex scenes, but yeah. I mean they have to be some of the most unconventional and yet totally justified. (wild in the sense of like not a traditional sex scene lol)

TLT:

OH, the ending, yes. We want the catharsis of them being together and honestly, a little for ourselves too, lol. It’s a bit frustrating when she gets into the taxi, but then we see her, closing her eyes, going back to him in her imagination. We know she’s complete.

Also, I felt really invested in their love journey from that first call to [spoiler]. I was rooting for them the whole way !

SS:

ooh that’s an interesting read! I didn’t think of her as going back to him in the cab. I thought it was a release. (I think? I’m too tired to quite remember lol) but omg I just wanted him to yell out to her!

Same!!

TLT:

Before I mention the minor things I didn’t like lol, and before you start throwing rotten tomatoes at me! I wanted to ask: have you ever experienced anything close to what they go through in this film?

SS:

I do think there was a bit of a vocal/appearance mismatch for him though...I think Callan McAuliffe is slightly too clean cut even though his character’s aesthetic is grunge and his voice is a bit...not rougher exactly but not like clean cut, if that makes sense.

oooh! that is a good question! I mean, not to that extent obviously. I’ve definitely connected with people online and people whom I’ve never met in various ways, but I don’t think...I mean idk. I do think there is something to the idea that it’s easier to be more vulnerable with strangers sometimes because there’s no baggage. (theoretically, I have a project on that, but lol because it’s not happening) Ironically, I’m actually not that good at being truly vulnerable (which some people are surprised by, I think), but I am somewhat decent at connecting with people randomly, so it’s sort of in the middle for me. it can be confusing sometimes, though, tbh lol

how about you?

(I shall hold the tomatoes until you get your fair say 😂)

TLT:

Yeah, I see what you mean, but I think the ‘mismatch’ trait actually works. I knew someone a bit like this, you know: young, not quite comfortable with who he is, caught between phases. Kind of looked like a Mick Jagger with a clean face; you could tell he was still exploring himself. Where it makes sense, I think, is that he’s insecure about certain things... mostly physical, it seems. (Which is funny, because they cast two handsome actors — maybe I would’ve gone with someone a bit less conventionally attractive.)

SS:

ooooh! interesting take! See, I thought he had embraced his artsy side fully and it just didn’t translate fully to his face for some reason (even with the bit of scruff, when he had it), but I like your read. I totally know what you mean

not as refined, I guess, is the word I was looking for lol (for his voice)

re your point though: i thought it was so cute when he was like “what if you’re not attracted to me?” and she was like “What if you’re not attracted *to me*?!” I loved that. that was so real. that would be my fear 🤣

my question for you: would you have opened your eyes?

TLT:

Yes, I agree with you. There’s something to the idea that it’s easier to be vulnerable, and it can even be addictive because it creates the safe space you’ve been craving. Their relationship feels like a pool of oxytocin. All the wonderful chemical products of love. The choice to say yes and open the eyes isn’t just about ‘Am I attractive enough?’ clearly, they’re drawn to each other, and they seem emotionally smart. It’s really about whether they’re ready to let go of the fantasy and make it real. Often the fantasy, the world you create with someone, you want to keep it. Hence why i believe she goes back to close her eyes.

Well, Here is the thing lol. I lived what they did in the movie lmao. But different.

SS:

WHAT

okay, hold up. I have not read your first response because I saw your second and WHAT

TLT:

While watching the movie I thought ‘thank you Sara, I will once more write something about it that’ll make people cry’

SS:

🤣

TLT:

So, are you ready for the story? Spoiler alert: we metaphorically keep our eyes closed.

I will make it shooooooort so I don’t bother you too much.

SS:

love everything you say here and totally agree [re safe space and fantasy]. it’s funny because in my restack of your Flipped post, I talk about how Juli had to let go of her idealizing Bryce in order for them to have a chance, and that sort of goes with what you talk about here with being afraid of losing the fantasy (which is dead on)

no! I am dying for all the details!!

also, i kinda want to turn our chat into a post? if you’re cool with that?

TLT:

At six years old, on my first day of school, I had to hold the hand of a girl to get into class. It was love at first sight. She never loved me that way, of course! She was in love with Valentin, someone who looked like DiCaprio in Titanic (can’t blame her, heh). By the time we were twelve, we kind of lost sight of each other. Then, in our early twenties, we met again and fell in love. We stayed together for three years, even moved abroad, but I ended up leaving her. Twelve years later, in our mid-thirties, we met again but online. This time, it was like a secret world. Everything by phone, with a few intimate moments. It was amazing, this little side universe we created just for us. But eventually, we wanted more, and where we were in life didn’t fit that desire. In the end, we said goodbye. it was too painful to keep going.

So, for almost a year, it was like the first act of the movie.

Sure, you can make it a post, I’m more than cool with that and you do not need my approval. Do what you please really :)

SS:

THIS SOUNDS LIKE THE SAD VERSION OF FLIPPED!

I now need this feature, ASAP!

like. yesterday. I want to watch it tonight! 😅

TLT:

Past Lives has kind of this vibe too.

SS:

ugh, i still need to watch that...

TLT:

The small things I didn’t love or thought could be improved… I think the first part might have worked better without music. I loved the music later on! It felt like we were in a ballad with them. But in that first act, I would have just played around with the natural sounds. The sound of footsteps, of objects being handled, even silence itself can create a rhythm. Also, I thought HIM often sounded out of breath in his acting, not sure why. Other than that, honestly, it’s a beautiful movie. Thank you again.

SS:

oh that’s interesting. I didn’t think he sounded out of breath. might’ve been an accent thing? it was definitely a specific accent. I dunno

and interesting re the music! I don’t think it bothered me really.

you’re welcome! I’m so glad you enjoyed it! And thank *you* for watching! I desperately needed someone to talk to about this lol

So, would you have opened your eyes??

TLT:

Yes, I would have. Life doesn’t hand your beautiful soul opportunities like this very often. Maybe when you’re young you don’t realize it, but it’s real. When the chance comes to welcome a beautiful soul into your life, you have to take it. AND YOU SARA?!

SS:

I don’t know! Part of me would be too terrified. I’d be afraid of ruining it, like you said. But I also know me, and I’m insanely curious, so I honestly don’t know that I could keep my eyes closed either...I’m not sure which part would win out 😅😂

Probably, the logistics part of me would win out and it would be decidedly unromantic and I’d open my eyes because I would be afraid of accidentally walking off a balcony with my eyes closed or something 😂😅

TLT:

Yeah, it’s the kind of situation or it’s hard to think straight, it’s mostly instinct I suppose.

SS:

Yeah, I think so

TLT:

Yeah i’d have been unromantic aswell “ Ey don’t throw grape in my throat I can die you know”

SS:

literally 🤣 I kept being like YOU COULD CHOKE!

i am no fun, apparently

TLT:

You fake choking so he opens his eyes. Checkmate.

SS:

omg could you imagine! 😅

TLT:

If i ever find a gem, i’ll send it your way. There is this one French movie I liked recently ... How easy is it for you to find international movies?

SS:

Thank you! depends. sometimes super easy, sometimes impossible :/

TLT:

When I think about it now... trust is the big engine of the film. I mean, you need to really trust someone to [spoiler], never open your eyes, getting intimate. And also the actors had to somewhat trust each others .

But still, not enough to open your eyes. Frustrating eh

SS:

RIGHT

i am not that trusting!

TLT:

Yeah but that was 1989, ignorance was bliss.

SS:

still

TLT:

We know too much about the online world and people now.

SS:

Idk that people were that trusting in the 80s lol

TLT:

LOL

SS:

you should totally watch that youtube interview. it’s really interesting hearing them talk about the process

TLT:

I suppose, sometime we meet someone and we know from the first minute if it’s a good person or not. You need to really trust your gut though. Yes, I’ll watch it tonight for sure :)

SS:

oof yes very true re trusting your gut. but how do you trust your gut with your eyes closed!?! some people just know, though...

oh! I meant to ask, did you think he had been sexually abused by that guy he was talking about? I couldn’t tell...

TLT:

I have no idea really.

SS:

am I crazy? I genuinely couldn’t tell. It happened so fast but the thing he said about the bedroom and then being lost and it sounded like maybe at one point he was suicidal? idk...

TLT:

Will have to watch that part again.

SS:

If you do, let me know what you think! I could be crazy

Def looking forward to whatever you post about this, though lol

(currently writing up my post now lol)

TLT:

Yep, I need to think about what I want to do with it. It’s a great film with so many subthemes. But… something bugs me a bit, lol. It’s hard to fully buy into their insecurities, I mean, look at them, they’re so handsome! I think it could’ve used a little more depth there. Looking forward to read your post :)

SS:

it’s interesting. i totally know what you mean. (everyone hates the hot person who is like “but am i hot enough??!”), but in this case I totally buy it *because* they had never seen each other. attraction is weird. not everyone is attracted to the same thing(s), and it would’ve been so heartbreaking if they had opened their eyes and been disappointed

ugh, i thought it was so sweet when he was like “I wish I could hold you” and then when he talked her through her breakdown

I think also, re trusting, apparently they’re supposed to be 20 and I feel like we’ve all taken chances when we were 20 that we probably wouldn’t when we get older lol

TLT:

Now that I think of it, you are 100% right. Even if you know you are hot, you may be afraid to not be attractive for the only person that matters. Good point SARA!

SS:

haha thanks

it’s true though. attraction is super weird and kinda random. i’ve had that conversation with friends where it’s like “so I know that this person is conventionally attractive, but they just don’t do it for me.” like you said, imagine if that happened with the one person who matters. how gutting! also, though, like you said, I think they were both a little lost and insecure, and being hot doesn’t always protect you from that (although it def helps for some people lol)

TLT:

It’s heartbreaking when someone is collapsing and you can’t do anything about it. Often, the best is to give that person the needed space. But we struggle with doing ... nothing :)

SS:

and like, in his case, he literally *couldn’t* do anything, at least not physically

oh, I just realized! i never asked you why you asked about the end credits audio? were you just curious if i’d heard it, or not, or did you ask for another reason?

TLT:

Just my curiosity and also because it’s kind of hidden, being at the end end of credits :)

SS:

gotcha!

Also, since you liked this movie, you need to watch Walter, Grace & the Submarine. Very similar vibe (but different movie, of course)

Walter, Grace & the Submarine is going on my FilmStack Top Ten List for 2025

TLT:

Walter, Grace & the Submarine. Okay it’s on my watchlist but it seems super super rare in France.

SS:

oh shoot :(

well, it just came out this year, so hopefully you guys get it soon!!

Oh! you know what else is interesting/funny? Apparently, they shot this movie in 2018! I figured it was a Covid movie lol

TLT:

I hope our little chat is not an energy vampire by the way.

SS:

no, it’s not! i’m super enjoying it! thank you for checking in though! sometimes chatting can be hard for me :/ even about movies

i do have to go soon though. i’m super low spoons and i’m behind on everything 😬😅

also lol i like the term “energy vampire”

TLT:

Yep, in france we say “énergivore” it is something that eats your energy.

I have to thank you. I find it really nice to be able to have a live chat about a film, or whatever comes up. Substack is actually the first social platform I use ... I don’t even have a phone, I’m a bit of a hermit. But I’ve been really enjoying everything here so far :)

SS:

you don’t have a phone???! how do you not have a phone? i am so jealous!

wait, like any phone or just no cell (mobile) phone?

and same! it’s one of my favorite parts of FilmStack! :)

(talking with people, both generally and about film)

TLT:

I have an old phone in case there’s an issue so my son can call me on it, but it’s never touched. It’s not a smart phone or anything, I have it since maybe 2010 lmao.

SS:

I love that you have a phone that you barely use lol

TLT:

Yeah like, don’t even ask me where it is now. My wife is always angry at me, it’s like it does not even exist to me.

SS:

Omg lmao

If I were your wife, I’d prob also be annoyed (“why didn’t you check your texts?!” 😅), but I appreciate cell phone-less lives.

It’s very FilmStack, I feel like lol

Or like, most people have phones--that they use--I think, but I think a lot of us appreciate less tech lol

TLT:

I watched Paterson, maybe two months ago. At some point someone ask him why he does not have a phone, and he says: “Uh, no. No, I don’t want one. It would be a leash.” I think, this is also my feeling.

SS:

omgggg i’ve been dying to see that *forever*! ugh. so true

TLT:

Paterson is incredible Sara. I swear, it’s so sweet and poetic and easy to watch.

SS:

Ugh, don’t tell me that! 😩 One day I will watch!

Well, thank you for chatting! i really enjoyed this conversation! I look forward to reading your post!

TLT:

I loved [About him & her] and I can’t wait to talk about it to friends & family.